When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.
I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn’t aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed.
I walk in to a candle holocaust. She’s been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.
Now I’m sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town.
She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can’t stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear "I want to make you cum in my mouth." I fucking love women
So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my cock out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.
She stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.
I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.
No, you aren’t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit and multiple it by forty-two and you’ll have an idea of what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say flew, I don’t mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.
I know it hit her. I didn’t see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW" but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the tits.
I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I heard the bathroom door shut and I just lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I’ve ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit (thought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.
I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around 1/3 into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.
I stand there, holding 2/3’s of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, trying to ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks (I skipped the bandaid) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom you think "hey not so bad today," but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY SHIT!". It was one of those moments.
The scene is burned behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the GF but at this point I considered it a blessing.
I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.
Then I left. I avoided my GF’s calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I shit on her". And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don’t THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always remember this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. 
žiūriu neturi kas veikt
vat ir suklydai.
anaiptol
jau man geriau zinot turiu ka veikt ar ne 🙂 chiuju biskuti nixuja nerauki kas ten parasyta tai ir komentuoji visai niftemu
Juokinga yra ne pati situacija, bet pats situacijos apibudinimas. Prikolnai aprasyta vaikino akimis. Todel duodu 10 balu vien uz tai, kad is cia galima pasimokyt, kaip reikia pasakot kazka "idomaus" 😀
geras :)))))))))))))))))))))
Gal kas galit trumpai nusakyt kas ten yra tingiu toki ilga skaityt
Jei cia tiesa tai man truksta zodziu 😆
ar gali tai but tiesa ?
koks siaubas 😆
Joline rašė:
ne nu kam nepasitaike yra klaikaus sexo 😀
Man 😀
😀
Shit happens 😆
Blemba mano nervai silpni, tai perskaiciau iki ten kur jis savo suda nunese i vonia. Kas toliau buvo?
Kai aš buvau 17 savo draugės, tuo laiku buvo pagaliau paruoštas turėti seksą. Aš, kadangi kiekvienas galėtų laukti 17 metų, buvau sujaudintas. Nei pragaras, nei aukščiausias vandens pakilimas neketino stovėti tarp manęs ir mano paskutinio maršruto. Aš ruošiuosi naktį, apkarpau viską viršuje, dušas, papildomas gerai. Deja buvo taip pat svarstoma problema. Aš turiu digestional sutrikimą, kurie kartais priverčia mano šūdą tapti dideli ir ganėtinai kieti tuo metu, kai vis dar manyje. Aš nežinojau, kad tai buvo treatable problema ir, iš tikrųjų, tik manydavo, kad kiekvienas turėjo turėti reikalo su išangės inkstų akmenų ekvivalentu. Aš iškeliu tai todėl, kad aš turėjau galingą, kuris buvo pakrautas į ginklą kelias dienas. Išleiskite mane nustatyti sceną. Jos tėvai yra išvykę. Mes turime jos namą į save savarankiškai. Ji buvo visada nedaug keista, tokiu būdu ji reikalauja, kad mes padarytume tai jos tėvų lovoje. Aš įeinu į žvakės holokaustą. Ji dirbo ties tuo visą dieną matyt, ir jo taip ryškus kaip pasiekimų viršūnė ten su žibintu šalin. Kuris yra geras, todėl, kad ji tęsia padaryti saldų, seksualų mažą šokį man. 16, ji buvo NUOSTABI. Tiems jūsų, kas niekada nepatyrė moters to amžiaus laiku, aš gailiu kvailio. Dabar aš sėdžiu ant lovos, stebėdamas šį šokį. Aš šypsausi ir sakau jai, kaip geras ji žiūri. Deja, didžioji dalis mano dėmesio sutelkiama ties nuobodžiu tvinkčiojimu nuo mano sphincter ir didelio kiekio žarnų nepatogumo, jungto su nesumažėjimu duce dienas. Bet kaip nors aš vis dar pasidarau kietas, ir mes einame į miestą. Ji išvyksta ant viršūnės, tada mes perjungiame. Aš lenkiu ją per lovą, ir aš net pliaukšteliu jos asilui (ballsy judėjimas tuo laiku, bet ji mėgo tai). Dėl mano sukurto išblaškymo, aš trunku tam, kas atrodo kaip AMŽINAI. Ji negali liautis dejuoti ir pasakyti man, kaip geras tai jaučiasi, ir paskui ji sako, kas kiekvienas vyras nori išgirsti, kad "aš noriu padaryti jus įskaitant mano burnoje." Aš pisantis meilės moteris, Tokiu būdu ji mažėja ant manęs. Ji buvo visada vidutinė geriausiai pagrindiniame skyriuje, bet bent jau ji pabandė. Ji išlenda, mano gaidys iš jos burnos gana ilgai, kad gerėtų manyje ir pasakytų "sako man, jei jūs mėgstate tai". Tada aš jaučiu tai. Ji pritvirtino savo pirštą viršuje mano asilas. Mano smegenys smogia paniškam jungikliui, ir kiekvienas raumuo mano visame kūne užsirakina labiau aptemptas negu trejų metų mergelė. Bet per vėlai. Aš imu masinį, SKAUSMINGĄ, SKAUSMINGĄ šūdą, per visą jos tėvų antklodę. Ne, jūs nesuprantate. Aš turiu galvoje didelis. Didžiulis. DIDŽIULIS. Paimkite savo didžiausią šūdą ir daugialypis tai prie keturiasdešimt du, ir jūs turėsite mintį apie tai, kas skrido iš manęs. Ir gents, kai aš sakau skrido, aš neturiu galvoje, kad "aš nuvarginau." Aš turiu galvoje "sviedinį". Aš turiu galvoje "uraganinius jėgos vėjus, smogiančius skėčio pozicijai". Ir dėl mano sąlygos, tai išeina kaip didelis, tamsiai rudas, smirdantis harpūnas. Aš žinau, kad tai smogė jai. Aš nemačiau to. Ji valdė rėkimą "OH MANO DIEVAS OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW", bet aš visada manydavau, kad, dėl jos padėties, tai smogė jos teisei smakre. Ar bent jau zylės. Aš norėčiau pasakyti, kad aš pasiekiau iki ėjimo po jos. Bet aš išgirdau uždarytas vonios duris, ir aš tik meluodavau ten. Kvapas smogė man po kelių sekundžių. Tai kvepėjo kaip kažkas, rideno katę šūde ir metė tai į padangos ugnį. Aš pažiūrėjau žemyn ir pamačiau, ligi šiol, didžiausią tuštinimąsi, kurį aš kada nors išgirdau apie dėjimą ant lovos. Tada aš pastebėjau kraują, ir kai aš padariau, aš pastebėjau skausmą. Matyt faktas, kad tai buvo taip didelis privertė tai plyšti, mano asilas truputėlį (manė, kad aš kraujavau iš vidaus. Ši maža gydytojų kelionė kitą dieną yra tokia tai, kas mokė mane mano sąlygos). Buvo mažas kraujo baseinas, kur mano asilas buvo. Paskutinis priminimas tikslios vietos ir momentas aš praradau savo skaistybę. Aš branginsiu šią atmintį visas savo dienas. Aš užgrobiu savo šūdą mano rankomis ir einu į žemyn vonia. Aš metu aplink 1/3 į tualetą, ir antplūdis, bijodamas daugiau ne užkimš tai ir tiktai prisidės prie mano jau reikšmingo sielvarto. Aš stoviu ten, laikydamas mano didžiausio viso laiko šūdo 2/3’s, jausdamas lašėjimą kraujotakos žemyn mano koja, bandydamas ignoruoti aštrų skausmą, smeigiantį mano tiesiajai žarnai. Aš randu mane patį, norėdamas, kad aš turėčiau to fotografiją. Bet kokiu būdu, aš baigiu praplauti savo kūdikį, nuvalau savo rankas, spūsties tualetinį popierių tarp mano žandų (aš praleidau lipnų pleistrą su marlės tamponu), ir nuėjo laiptais į viršų. Aš galėjau išgirsti savo draugę, kūkčiojančią po vonios durų. Aš nusprendžiau nesakyti nieko jai ir tik tęsti judėti. Kvapas jos tėvų kambaryje buvo apgailėtinas. Kaip tai, kai jūs išimate šūdą ir einate iš vonios, jūs galvojate "ei ne taip blogai šiandien," bet tada jūs einate, važiuoja atbulom, kad užgrobtų jūsų žurnalą ir nueitų "ŠVENTAS ŠŪDAS!" . Tai buvo vienas iš tų momentų. Scena yra sudeginta už mano akies voko visam laikui. Mano gyvenimas. Mano gėda. Mano patį pirmą kartą, užuostą kaip negyvų kūdikių krūva. Aš skubiai buvau apsirengęs kadangi karštis nuo dešimt tūkstančių žvakių privertė kambarį jaustis daugiau kaip uostas – – naktinis puodukas. Aš gana žinojau, kad sučiupčiau antklodę ant mano kelio lauke ir tempčiau jį žemyn į jų plautuvą. Taip pat viršūnė ir pagrindo lapai nuo kraujo tekėjo ant per visiškai į čiužinį. Vis dar joks ženklas GF, bet šiame punkte aš laikiau tai palaiminimu. Aš užsikimšau plautuve su 3 naštų verte valymo priemonės ir nustačiau tai ant apsisukimo, žinodamas, kad ne net Dievo ranka sutaupys šitas drobes, nekalbant apie Potvynį ir Patogiai įsitaiso. Tada aš išvykau. Aš išvengiau savo GF paklausimų per daug dienų, kol ji neatvyko į mano namą. Mes turėjome ilgą pokalbį apie tai, kas įvyko. Pokalbis būdamas sinoniminis su "sudaužymu su manimi todėl, kad aš šiku ant jos". Ir tai buvo visur. Ji pažadėjo nesakyti, kad siela ir aš NEMANOME, kad ji kada nors padarė. Ji turbūt taip gėdinosi, kadangi aš buvau apie visą veiksmą. Bet aš visada atsiminsiu šį atsitikimą kaip nepatogiausią daiktą, kuris kada nors įvyko man.
Kokiu biesu čia vertei? 😆
taigi kas cia yra minute darbo. Nukopini teksta nueini i google kalbu irankiai ir padarai, kad isverstu. Bet vertimas tai nu nx
jo tas momenta sbuvo geras kai jis nese savo suda delnuos 😀
kitazh rašė:
Omg, kaip tragiška ;DDDDDD
kokia bjauri istorija 😀 man irgi netikroviska atrodo
omg apie istorijos tikroviskuma manau daug pasako temos pavadinimas XD
nu ar daug zmoniu apkakoje panele ir jos tevu lova po to dar sukistu patalyne i skalbimo masina?
sianakt bus daugiau. stay tuned.
Last summer after I was finished administering a good hot dicking to my girlfriend I go to the bathroom to clean up like I always do. And this time I had to take a shit so I’m about to throw the condom into the toilet to get rid of it when an idea comes to me. I put four fingers into the open end of the condom and stretch it cut and hold it up to my asshole and shit into the condom. A perfect, smooth, finely tapered poop. It slides all the way down into the bottom of the condom. Coming to the rest in the pool of sperm, and displacing some of it so that it flows up the sides of the turd. Perfect. It fits like a banana in its skin. Then I look at my creation, wondering if anything could possibly be more awesome. Then I clip my toenails and drop them in there for good measure. I take the whole thing, hold the opening over the faucet and start filling it with warm water. I’m thinking of all the awesome things I could do with my newly acquired disease balloon. Running all the different scenarios through my head. Trying to select the single most awesome one. "This is going to be epic". I tell myself. I take it off the tap, it’s about the size of volleyball now. I go to tie it at the end, and I have the bit stretched around my fingers, ready to put the tip through the loop and complete the knot, when motherfucker slips out of grip because the freshly unrolled end was sitll lubricated. It starts spewing it’s payload before it even hits the floor.
It lands on my food, bounces a little and empties itself all over my white socks. My girlfriend, who is still in the bedroom startled to hear a loud "FUUUUUUUUUUCK" emanting from the bathroom. She then opens the door to check on me and is greeted by the sight of her boyfriend standing in a puddle of shit stew with a limp condom at his feet. The just stares for a moment. Dumbfounded. Like she can’t believe what’s happening. Or she doesn’t want to believe. Theres poo and cum and toe nails on the floor. On the walls, the mirror, on me. While her brain tries to make sense of the scene in front of her, I slam the door in her face, which seems to snap her out of the daze. "What the fuck?! What the fuck did you do?!" she screams, like she’s about to cry. I feel regret. Not for what I did, but for what I could have done. It smells now, I dry off with her towel then drop it on the floor, covering what part of the mess I can. I put on my cool face and exit the bathroom, gently shutting the door behind me. My girlfriend eyes me. I know she’s waiting for an explanation. But I don’t think she could handle it. So I walk past her without saying anything. I put on my coat and tell her "It’s getting kind of late. I’m gonna head home." She just stares at me with that dumb look on her face. I drop my poo socks in her mailbox and walk home. That was the last time I would hear from her. But I had something better now. A dream. I would make another.
lekkerbekje rašė:
Zudantis sakinys 😀
I’m sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
Here’s the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the fucking skin too. This was when he gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shit;s teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming "SHIT!" SHIT!". Now, my good friend, Tom we’ll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting "FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN;T GE TIT! FUCK!". By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly. Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
Here’s the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, ‘Mam, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I’m… I’m FUCKING HIV POSITIVE.
And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mom isn’t defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
lekkerbekje rašė:
Ne nu, fantazijos tai čia reik. Tačiau šitas geriausia ;DDDD
Su ŽIV zjb.
dar dar dar.
Okay so I get on the train heading from Maastricht to Schiphol, I sit in a 3 seater by the window… there are a bunch of other seats open or whatever and this family of 4 comes and 2 of them sit with me and 2 sit next to them in the 2 seater.
Which boggles my mind because they could have easily taken two 2 seaters and left an open space on the 3 seater with me but no, they had to be jerks… so anyway, this guy gets in and spills his coke all over my pants and shirt…
So I go "what the fuck" not even in a threatening way or anything, just by surprise because my head was facing the other way….
So the guy goes "APOLOGIZE." and I got "excuse me?" and he goes "Apologize for cursing in front of my two kids or I’ll get the train conductor to kick you off the train"
And I got "well buddy, maybe if you were paying attention to where you were putting your FUCKING coke, I wouldnt have said FUCK in front of your FUCKING children"
At this point, the guy is basically in my face and his girl screams "DADDY MAKE THE STUPID BOY LEAVEEEEE" and I go "yeah, make me leave daddy" and he was like "come on kids, lets get out of here" and as they were walking away the guy tells me to learn some manners.
I see his daughter is holding a harry potter book in her hand and I go "tell your daughter that dumbledore dies on page 606" and immediately this like 13 yr old girl bursts into tears and soon after her older looking brother did too the dad was speechless and walked away.
vistiek su živ geresnis
ciuju
visi geri 😆
tu cia pats sitas nesamones gal kuri ? Eik geriau kaledu seniui laiskus rasyt 😐
Liuxas rašė:
Liuxas rašė:
says the man who uses online translators in order to understand the fuck is being said.
lekkerbekje rašė:
lekkerbekje rašė:
Liuxas rašė: